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BYU Escalates to War Against Masturbation

BYU Escalates to War Against Masturbation
Shelby Hawkins

BYU Has Serious Fap Issues And They Need Your Help!

Ahh college, that wonderful time in a young persons life to find themselves, meet new people, pursue educational interests, and fight the good fight against masturbation! The Mormon Universities Idaho campus is encouraging students to rat each other out if caught doing the dirty deed. The point is driven home with a promotional video from BYU’s Student Housing & Living Office that equates masturbating to fighting in WWI’s trench style warfare. Confused? Check out the video featured below:

 

 

Now Let’s Analyze This Shall We?

The video’s main character, a “lonely and confused young man” is portrayed as slipping into a dark depression after a roommate walks by his suspiciously illuminated room, choosing to ignore his clear cry for help. Oh you don’t masturbate with the door open? Sounds like a textbook masturbation distress signal to me! And will someone please get that narrator a glass of water?

After faltering to approach their misguided brother the first time around, the men are shown in a chaotic battle scene, hell bent on carrying out their no fapper left behind policy. Missiles and shrapnel flying they somehow arise victorious and rescue their confused wanker. It’s been said that “love is a battlefield” and if so I think most college aged men would be receiving purple hearts in the masturbation category.

Let me just say for the record that the majority of Mormon’s I have met are very well intentioned people and sometimes creepily nice. However instilling a tattle tale culture akin to a masturbation Gestapo and kicking out chronic offenders seems…. oh I don’t know, a bit like comparing masturbation to the horrors of war. If nothing else I think we can all sit back and have a good chuckle over the epic ridiculousness of this video. Well played BYU.

What do you think? We’d love to hear you sound off with your thoughts in the comments below!

 

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